A challenging day today

Posted on February 11, 2012. Filed under: Just somethings | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Well, My oh my! did I  want to start blogging about this day at work. but I could not.  So here is what happened I walked into the office and they told me that I would be going into an area that I will be locked in with the kids of the detention center. Mind you I am clerical.  Ten years ago I never wanted and still do not want to work first hand and in close quarters  with the minors. I do have a fear regarding that. (how to get out without waiting on someone else to buzz me out and what if I get hit!!) There is no separation  (walls, glass partitions) from them and they at times do go off and some are very troubled. braking things spitting, and hygiene is a problem and viruses and diseases. I know about those( viruses and diseases) because a few parents came in asking about the conditions to me, and the detention center has never told the employees who work with the kids about it as a warning or to take precautions.  I am not trained for handling the unruly one, nor do I want to learn. Leave that part to the guys and gals who want to do that job.

It like this if I worked in a coal mine would I be in the shaft working? No! I would be in the office working and not in the dangerous area that I did not sign up for. But they want to push me into this area. ( this in my view is a perfect example of why I got to got  to get the heck out of there.) I had heard that this maybe coming and I have voice that I don’t want to be in that area. Now the day of dawning is here and this Tuesday they want me to train there. So what do I do? I have no recourse but to say no and see if they will transfer me or they will need to fire me. or put me on a 28 day suspension. This is all a mess.  My mind is pondering what to do. and i am in a twirl!   I would like to keep my job till I say when but when maybe here now , next week and I am just not prepared.  I have graduations to do and the downsizing is not done, and all my little duck plans are not in a role. It is in the process but I have a while before that is at the point that I feel good and ready to leave.

Now looking at it another way this could be the push I need to really put my all into getting things set up and done in a rush. I don’t and would not advocate rushing into starting a business online or a brick and mortar  business. However as the many out here in the land of funky stuff happening to you. I guess I will learn first hand as to taking action fast. Thinking on it this more, if I am fired  this will let me sit on unemployment for a while and let me work at online work much faster I will have the time needed in the day to blog and work on-line.

My fear level will be great but the challenge will be there too and I do like the challenge. and if need be I could get a small part-time job. But I never wanted to have another job but the one I create for my self. if I keep the job and go in that area  and face my fears of safety and exposure  will I have the right mind-set to do the things I have set for my self to do. if not there will also be no health insurance for self and my daughter she is graduating but she is continuing into the broadcasting for a one year program. Next week will be the what of all what the heck will happen. Gee! what a mess or what a blessing.    oh my!  Too many things to do with too much little time to do it in.

The one thing that I truly want to get across is the sadness of the kids there.  That also would be a stark slap in my face each and every day because I can’t do a thing to help them and it would take a life time and that is not one of the causes that I can do at this age, space and time period. if I was younger I could try. OH don’t let us talk about the politics of it all and in it. Now that is another subject that I don’t want to handle.  No mess and no stress not that kind any way. The dirty little secrets that place holds. You see the waste and the loss. I don’t want to go though the pain each and every day being so close but so far from the promise. Every little thing/moment would hurt until my skin would be as raw!and calloused. I can’t lose my feeling for life that way!

Oh boy I need two keys of life.

Where your body cannot enter, your prayers announce your intentions.

Wishes, lies, and dreams all spring for the same well. knowing when to drink requires only a little common sense.   

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